Expectations -The no 1 cause of failure, fallouts and burnout!Jul 15, 2022
Expectations! - The no 1 cause of all failure, fallouts, and burnout
But “What sort of expectations?” I hear you ask!
🎯 Of a certain outcome,
📜The way that outcome has to be reached,
🤼You have of other people, their behaviours towards you, their ways of doing things, sometimes even their ways of being
And most important of all…
😲 you put on yourself based mainly on other people’s beliefs and limitations
You might be wondering, “so how does this actually cause failure, fallouts or burnout?”
Simply because there is a big gap between what you expect vs what actually happens (in all of the above scenarios).
💡 When you don’t reach the outcome, you want: Let’s say you are expecting to get a 10% bonus because of a great job you did, but you end up getting 5%. So what happens is you get a massive disappointment and start putting meanings about yourself into this outcome. So instead of being grateful for a 5% bonus, you end up feeling like a failure.
💡 You expect a job to be done in a certain way, but your team goes about doing it their way and because you have different expectations, fallouts start to occur within the team. Not only that you might still feel like a failure as a boss because you were not clear on what your specific expectations were!
💡 When you expect your husband to come home with a bunch of flowers on your wedding anniversary, and find him cooking a lovely meal for you instead- simply because he expresses his love in a different way to you (different love language) your immediate reaction is one of disappointment followed by despair of overthinking as to why he didn’t think of buying flowers, does he not love you as much as you love him etc…you might even start an argument resulting in further fallout or feel like a failure because he doesn't love you as much as you love him🙄
💡 You set yourself the expectation of finishing a certain project before you go on holiday (or before _insert condition) one of two things can happen:
- You don’t meet the condition and feel like a failure and drown yourself in self-judgement, guilt and shame or…
- You do meet the condition (i.e., finish the project and many others) but end up spending your holiday in sickness (this happened to me several times-almost every Christmas in fact for about 16 years of my working life) or having to take time out because you are burnt-out!
More often than not, It is not the work that causes you the burnout, but the expectation of the work to be done in a certain way by yourself and others, at a certain time (especially before holidays) and the outcome to turn out in a certain way.
So, if you are someone who has experienced burnout a number of times, perhaps it is time to notice what really causes this in you?
Notice where and when you have expectations of yourself, others and outcomes that cause you disappointment, the feeling of failure and eventually burnout?
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You can listen to Ian and I talk about this topic on this week’s Podcast Episode here. I am sharing this episode from this time last year (expectations and burnout), which is one of our most listened-to episodes again today before you switch off for the summer holidays!
If you have any questions about what I shared today or about the group coaching programme, then book a free call with me now.
Until next time…