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Put your own oxygen mask first!

Mar 18, 2020

For the last two years I have spent most of my days being angry. 

I was the bubbliest and happiest person in the room, always. In the day time I would smile, walk around like there is nothing wrong; but as soon as the work day was over and I was back at home with the people that meant the world to me and my anger and frustration would come out.

I would be shouting at my son; being hard on him even for little things. I would give my husband the look of death if he put the cutlery in the wrong place in the kitchen drawer.

It didn't end there. I would be angry at myself for 'being a waste of space' because in my own eyes 'I wasn't getting anywhere' in life.

If you looked from the outside this is what you would see:

A woman with:

An amazing husband with a heart of gold and the looks that will make Brad Pitt jealous;

Two beautiful, healthy, amazing children any women would die for;

A great big family home that keeps us safe;

A steady job that keeps paying the bills and easy for me to do.

If you look inside of me however, this is what you would see:

A woman who doesn't think much of herself 

A woman who valued others' opinion of her more than anything for her own self worth

A woman who allowed what happened on the outside decide how she felt on the inside, all the time

A woman who took everything that was said as a personal insult and beat herself up.

A woman, who would rather carry on going through the pain than take action to do something about it all and change her life, just because she felt this was the right thing to do by the people she loved!

It wasn't until I spent almost 4 weeks on and off work with Shingles that it hit me where all this anger was coming from.

It wasn't about my son, my husband, or anything else external, it was ME all along. 

I was frustrated with myself. 

I knew I was capable of doing so much more in the world, but I kept ignoring it and delaying it. 

I kept putting the need of others, my family, first; well I thought I did. 

I had forgotten one simple thing that we are all told when we are on a plane: "put your own oxygen mask first, before helping others-even when the 'others' are your own children".

Well, not anymore. I took the action I needed to take for the good of myself, and ultimately for the good of others around me. 

I remembered that I need to BE the change I want to see in the world and that it all starts with me!

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